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Facing rejection, particularly when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is turning you down, giving a definite “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began submitting manuscripts 50 years back, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works declined, along with article pitches and many pieces. In the last 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the refusals have only increased. On average, I face a setback every few days—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Overall, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and others has rejected me. I haven’t kept score my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a project. One editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? How could they be overlook my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued over many years.

Great Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was at first rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. Since they did overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most US presidents over the recent history had previously lost elections. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Then, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader feels I don’t have the experience or reputation to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Or didn’t focus and read my piece too fast to recognize its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are permanently out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be flawed. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my punctuation, particularly commas, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at older—and over numerous essays. These works have been published in publications major and minor, in regional, worldwide sources. My debut commentary ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no author events at major stores, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at 73, because my, small achievements have eased the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Rejection can be helpful, but provided that you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What insights have I learned?

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